An OK day, but not great

Josh is really leaving. OK, yeah, we've done all this planning and stuff, but it hasn't been REAL real. But he's leaving. Leaving. Sad.

Josh took my cell up with him to drill this weekend. It's been a handy way for us to keep in touch when he's away for the weekend, or I'm away for that matter. He just called to tell me they were coming home tonight instead of tomorrow. Then he has to drill again tomorrow.

He did his will, etc. So that's all done.

What a hard weekend. I'm torn.

Friday night was pretty good. I watched "Law & Order" and crocheted. And on the way home from work, I went out and got a piece of Cheese Cake from the Cheese Cake Factory. So, I had a few bites of that. Amazing on how just a few bites hits the spot. So I put it away for later needs. This morning, I went grocery shopping. I found a new friend, a TY Beanie Lamb named "Tender." He's so cute. Then Mom and I went shopping for paper ware for Josh's party. Red, white, and blue, of course. Then I went home, made calls, and crocheted some more.

Josh called just now to tell me he's coming home from drill. I mentioned that though. I don't know why I'm so sad right now. Probably because he's leaving soon and it's really for real.

I'll probably do some blog maintenance when I feel a little more in spirits.

Next weekend will be hard. His folks are coming in to say good-bye. And it's the party.

Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one who is experiencing loss in Josh's deployment. His family will miss him, my family will miss him, and all of his friends will miss him. Do I have a right to be sad? Should I try to encourage the rest of his family? Should I keep a stiff upper lip and be the "good soldier?" Or should I react on my gut instinct and withdraw?

When we go through personal crisis, we tend to have tunnel vision. And part of some of these emotions is part of my own little tunnel vision. I guess I need to take the blinders off and look at the world around me next weekend instead of focusing on the Josh and Liz part of "us," and focus in the extended everyone part of us.

Thanks for the understanding on the poor linking maintenance. I've been writing on an AOL browerser which doesn't do the "edit html" thing well. It will get cleaned up... soon... I mean well, at any rate.